Michiru Kaioh

It has been a while since I have updated this journal of mine. I have been extremely busy with portrait deadlines, my paintings have been selling left and right, it is a wonder that I even have time for myself. But, it has me torn, I love my Haruka. I sincerely do, I have never been happier, but I haven’t had enough time to spend with her, as I immersed in my work. I miss her; a cavern inside me had become evident.

My work is far from over, I have to put aside some time for a Valentine’s recital that is coming up! I am to play with several other violinists in the ballroom. The event takes place right on Valentine’s Day, where couples gather to dance to classical music! There is also someone I would like to introduce to the maestro. I believe I will ask Haruka to accompany me to this recital it will be my way of making it up to her, considering my long absence.

... And, Haruka, that evening we had spent together, was wonderful, thank you!

Haruka gave me a lovely white dress! The gift couldn’t have been anymore timely. There is a New Years classical music recital and I will be playing a few pieces on my violin. I can wear the dress my beloved Haruka gave me then. I also gave her a couple of tickets for the concert. I am sure we can celebrate New Years at the reception. It will be wonderful; I am looking forward to it!

Sometime before Christmas, I finished a couple of painted portraits and sold them to a store that produced picture frames. Amazingly, Haruka’s friend purchased a picture with one of my paintings with her in mind. I have never believed in fate or destiny up until now. The painting she received was painted by me with my beloved Haruka in mind. I am… astonished, but extremely pleased.

Master Okita’s training by the way has helped me be more active and get closed enough to be considered his good friend. We had lunch together and discussed plans for my training to add more resilience. I invited him to the recital as well and he was pleased with the Christmas gift I had given him. I just wish I was there to have seen his face light up!

We have been seeing more and more of one another, lately I haven’t been able to think of anything but Haruka. My dearest Haruka, whom I feel such a deep routed connection with, but lately, that connection has become strong not only on a psychological level, in many ways no one is capable of understanding. It is my sincere belief that we are reincarnations of the most influential people that surpass all rhyme, reason and time.

Somehow, someway, I feel we’ve promised to one another to protect and care for, is this how anyone would feel being human, as I am would care for another human being. I feel so drawn to her. So, in contact; the music, the conversations, the kisses and warm embraces, I can’t go wrong! Not with her. I feel so complete and whole. And all this time, though I have felt incompetent, I have found my strength.

She and I, went to the beach together… the wind, the ocean… it wasn’t the only time our lips met. How I hold her close to my heart, I love her so… my Haruka-san.

It happened again! I don’t know what to make of it, but it seems…

… I’ve found my path.

… Has anyone else sense that they are not who where they are supposed to be? The ocean has been ringing in my ears since I went back. I’ve been trying to play my violin to drown out the sound, the name spoken to me, that night… as my ruling planet. I believe I will keep it, as my name. It seemed to… fit perfectly! It’s inspired me to not only take up the violin, but the paint brush again. I feel… enlightened!

I met this wonderful most charming young man, his name, as introduced to me is Mr. Okita Soujiro. I will be under going some training, something to keep me sharp and not only that, he says a beautiful flower like me needs to know how to protect her self. He’s such a doll. Hard to believe that anyone like him still exists. So, I will be taking up swordsmanship lessons from him starting this weekend. I am his fourteenth student.

Not only does he know how to make you smile, he makes your whole day light up!
I am worried; does that make him… a potential target? He is, too pure…

I’ll need… all the help, I can get!

I keep telling myself that it’s going to be tonight, then again, it maybe tomorrow, or the next evening after. I have tried everything, even sleeping with ear plugs stuffed in my ears to block the sound of the ocean. It is tormenting, thus tonight shall be the evening I will return to the place the sea wants me to go… with or without Haruka.

The words: ‘Fear not by only fear itself’, keeps chiming. And the realization of these words echoing throughout is rather encouraging… Though it has been many months since I last went out, I believe now is a good enough time as any to drop what I am doing and go back, back… where? To where this all started. The cause of why I went into hiding. I am going to take a swim…

Cold the water maybe and I may be as well insane for doing this now…But, something keeps… calling me to that one spot, so wrongfully tormented that I must go!

My dearest Haruka,

I am sorry but I fear I cannot rely on you right now. I believe I have been relying on you most to be my strength and courage. My reluctance to go out to do much of anything has been draining the very life essences of my soul. Even though I feel the sea keeps asking for me, beckoning me back to where the instances occurred. To be honest, I am frightened but I will … however, return within good time.

Once I have found the courage within myself to return, I will find out once and for all why these waters that surround the island beckon me so. I cannot sleep and I haven’t eaten properly. My violin has been sitting in its case snuggled tightly in velvet casing, as the case itself gathers dust. I can’t keep pretending or hollowing myself out like this.

I have to be strong, even if… I have to be strong on my own. Suppose, this is a preordained experience, maybe with the help of my hopes, dreams and prayers I will finally get to the bottom of my existence. Positively, I can’t keep running away, keeping myself up locked up like this. It isn’t… it isn’t right, it isn’t healthy. I promise, next weekend I will…

… I will return to you, Haruka.
I need… I need to do this not just on my own, but… for myself.

I haven’t gone out much since my last update. I have been, too terrified to!

Yes, I am being brutally honest. I have considered taking the time to indulge in nature’s company later on this week. Perhaps, I shall meet a new face; my dearest Haruka, how I miss your company. We have yet to speak of the incident that I am in earnest need to speak to you about! Yes, I realize I have gone into hiding, but there was just no other way to prevent the worst from happening.

So, today… I will indulge in the tune that I play my violin to the best of my abilities, and whole-heartedly! Oh, I found someone’s journal through Kalkyou’s websites regarding on-line journals. He seems very interesting, his personality had intrigued me. He appeared intelligent and I respect that in a person, for it is of course, a rarity. I just hope I can manage to get over this… fear… and socialize again.

Hm. I wonder what ever happened to that young blonde boy, who manages the instrument shop down the road, I never did hear back from him. Aside from that, I need new tub of wax for my strings.

Oh gods! How I missed playing my violin!

Sometime, ago I … am not entirely sure how, or why, but I … had a strange encounter the last time I went swimming out along the shoreline. It was like a horrible dream. In fact, I wish it was. But, I remember very little. How could I have known? Why? I knew the ocean was calling me, but I didn’t know to the extent of its power, or rather, my power. The fight, I remember it, vague but ringing true.

After that incident, I was pummeled by pain. The power of which I had called upon, or called upon me, vanished and I was left in my own shameful mess. I am surprised I am still alive. I felt I should have died. And why did he say he’s going to come after the pure heart crystal inside me? How could I have known what those are and why?! Why do I feel bound to protect … the hearts of innocence’s and purity!

Duty bound. I still haven’t quite recovered from the incident, but there have been reports about monsters and light anomalies, which only proves my point! So, it did happen and it was me! Or, rather us! But, why me?! It isn’t just ONLY me, but someone else too! There are more of us out there, I know it. But, the power… the power that was mine, or the power that had been, isn’t there any more. It just…

… Playing the violin usually calms me, I feel more content seeking solace within its strings. Not anymore. I don’t think I’ll be taking a midnight dip as I usually am known to do. Now, an indoor pool appeals to me more than actual sea water. But, sea water feels more natural than the indoor pool water. I swear! I must have been an underwater creature of the type in a past life, to swim as often as I do and enjoy it!

Sometimes I forget this thing exists! I can’t believe it. Lately, I have been so preoccupied with things, I don’t normally forget something routine, but of course, this is a new thing I picked up since there is practically nothing much to do around here. I have confined myself to my quarters, playing the violin.

I am still surprised that the roses lasted as long as they did. I had to toss them out, but kept one in a book for a memorable experience that was short lived. The secret admirer turned out to be a young figure named, Haruka… and to be honest, I am not entirely sure, but I figure what I thought Haruka to be a he, is actually a she, which, I find really interesting. Call it, woman’s intuition.

Anyway, I went to the park the other day, just a short walk and found a young man doing back flips and what appeared to be a lion basking in the shade under a tree near him. I was intrigued but this picture that I sat down on a park bench and began to sketch the young man and his lion. But, the picture I drew was not of the young man doing back flips.

After I had sat down the young man nestled into the lion’s side, which was undeniably adorable. A grown man and a lion, laying down in deep slumber; now that was a Kodak moment, but seeing that I didn’t have a camera, I had to draw it on my artist sketch book, which is what I initially was there to do… draw… I haven’t gotten around to painting the picture, but it is, for lack of a better term, perfect.

Often, at night, before bed… I find myself compelled to go out swimming along the shoreline. Yes, at night. It is when the world sleeps… and the only two beings exist is you and the water. It is the only thing that calms me for some reason or another. Is it so strange that I find comfort being enveloped in the salt water that surrounds the island?

The storm was odd, scary but odd and it wasn’t as bad as I had assumed. The hotel occupants were really calm, must have been my playing the violin; music has a way of calming the restlessness of any soul. As I was checking out of the hotel, I got a large bouquet of flowers. Oh? They were lovely and go well with my mantel piece. When I arrived at my suite, they were the first to be unpacked and set somewhere fitting to compliment their beauty. The card that came with the flowers had a phone number on it; I have to be honest, I am curious to know who the flowers came from. I tried to dial the number, but within a few digits I hang up and wonder. Should I now, or later? And in knowing, will kill the curiosity and will also leave me in turmoil in not knowing!

Anyway, I will be unpacking a few more things and begin venturing around town a bit…
… Just to get myself acquainted. I think the first place I am going to go is that music store.

Well, I am glad I decided to come here to Kalkyou, it has proven to be a very inspirational to my artistic side, feeding me ideas and charging my whims. I have read about it in my travel guide, the sights look fantastic and almost magical. To my disappointment, however, there is a storm brewing and with that storm the sea rages.

Due to unexpected circumstances, however, I have checked into a hotel. It is cramp, stylish, but cramped. I spend most of the hours down in the lobby area playing a lot of classical music on my violin. Which reminds me, I had seen a small shop that sells interments, which is very convenient in case I need something; I had passed by there the other day, because of what peaked my curiosity was the sound of music emanating from within.

Ah, what a promising young man, he is very talented. It would be nice to stop by the shop someday; I hear his father gives out music lesions. I wonder if he is looking for an extra hand.